Falling

I wanted to stop by the bar to see Lisa.
It was the middle of the day and the neighborhood was packed with people because of the event in the park.
I wanted to fuck.
Not sit around thinking of things to talk about and reminiscing about the past work week.
I decided I would go in and then take off right away even though I had nothing to do.
I walked in , past all the guys yelling at the television screen , and saw Lisa.
She was sitting with her friend Stephanie, drunk, eating chicken wings.
She motioned for me to sit in between her and her friend.
"Hey" I said.
"Hey there" she smiled and moved towards me and gave me a big kiss on my cheek.
I work with her so things are sort of awkward now.
We fucked after I got let go the first time and now that I'm back at the company I should probably keep away.
But I can't.
"Hey, I just wanted to stop in. I gotta go and meet some people."
"Are you trying to hurt me. You're just gonna pop in without getting one drink?" she said.
Thoughts entered my mind.
Sex.
The fact that I had fairly little money.
Sex.
The other girl at work that I wanted to fuck.
Lisa's legs and the small shorts she was wearing.
She moved close into me again and started to kiss me.
I moved in and let her have it.
She had been wanting to kiss me ever since I had been back.
I gave in.
I am weak.
"I really have to go."
I would make her suffer. I wanted to make her suffer.
She always got what she wanted out of men.
It was an experiment for me.
I would not give in to her advances.
"Where are you going." she said.
"To meet some friends for drinks. I had prior plans way before today."
"Ah, alright."
She moved in and we kissed again.
She was sloppy and her hands were covered in the sauce of the chicken.
Her friend stared at us while we kissed.
Irish men yelled, hollered at the T.V.
She stopped and I said I had to go again.
I got up and went out to my friend on the street.
"Made out a little bit" , I said for some reason.
"Nice" he said.
He got on his fixed gear bike and I got on my regular bike and we separated ways.
I got home and my roomate was taking off for work.
He worked at the Cheesecake factory and would be working from 5-1 in the morning.
"See ya" he said.
"Bye."
I walked into the bathroom, opened Bukowski, and sat on the toilet.
I read for a while and took a shit.
Then I turned on the bath water and went to the kitchen.
I poured myself a tall glass of brandy with ice and went into the bathroom.
I dipped my body into scalding water, took a sip of my drink, and read Bukowski until the sun went down.
A girl I had been seeing had called me while I was in the bath.
She left a message.
I didn't want to see her but she was all I had.
Her message said she was close by and wanted to see if i was home.
I got up and emptied the tub and dried myself off.
I sat on the toilet with the top closed with the lights off for a while.
Then I called her back and acted like an asshole because she didn't respond to my question about coming over fast enough.
She started to blab on about her roomate and how he should be a singer in my band.
I told her I had to go.
"Whhhyyyy???" she said.
"Cause I don't want to talk about your roomate."
I told her about the party at my house.
She sounded hurt but I liked it.
I hung up and went into my room where I listened to music and finished the rest of my drink